Quick Update For Everyone On Africa

 

Amateur Prediction Of Split

Huffington Post- In 10 million years, we might have two Half-ricas, according to a new study by the Scripps Institute of Oceanography and the University of California at San Diego. But this isn’t the doing of some Nikola Tesla-esque mad scientist and a world splitting super weapon; in fact it’s due to a superplume, a massive upwelling of molten rock slowly splitting the African tectonic plate in two.

Plumes of magma have long been thought to move the continents around, at least since 1912 when Alfred Wegener said that Africa and South America looked like they kind of fit together. But in East Africa, scientists have only recently begun to precisely figure out why two massive chunks of land are separating by a few millimeters every year.

David Hilton and his team of researchers from Scripps visited volcanoes on both sides of the Great Rift Valley and collected gas samples to investigate. Scientists previously thought that two separate, smaller plumes were responsible for the gradual widening of the valley in East Africa, but Hilton and his team found that the chemistry and physics told another story.

Hilton’s team examined the rocks found on the two plateaus bordering the valley, the Ethiopia Dome and the Kenya Dome. To test their theory that there is in fact only one, large plume splitting the African landscape, the researchers looked inside the rocks for helium-3 and neon-22, specific forms of helium and neon gas that could shine light onto how the plateaus were formed.

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Luckily, Africans won’t have to worry about their land being torn apart, at least not immediately. While ebola wreaks havoc across West Africa, the residents of East Africa have about 50 million years to plan for the new ocean that the superplume will create.

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Africa is literally breaking in half…

(See reading this blog regularly helps you become a more well rounded person. This is a great little fact you can pepper in at your next dinner party. “Oh ya, have you heard? Africa is breaking in half.” People will either think your well educated and filling them in on some breaking news OR they will take that sentence and run with it. They will start talking about the million other problems in Africa and say it’s such a shame. Such a WASP-y thing to do.)

Jesus Christ, has Africa ever caught a break?? I’m not even kidding, has Africa ever had a good day? Between the everlasting poverty, the constant civil war, the kidnapping of innocent youth, and now the Ebola I’m not sure when the last good day occurred in Africa. I can’t even take an educated guess. I guess when the Egyptians ruled?

I just imagine the most optimistic African’s thought every morning is, “Well, it cant get any worse!” and in 10 years when this information finally makes it’s way to Africa, that optimistic African is just going to be crushed.

What’s even worse is that this news is so unnecessary. Breaking news 10 million years in advance is such a smug move. Some dick weed scientist just trying to grab a headline.

I truly believe in 9,999,990 years, Africa will finally have it’s shit together and be an awesome place and then BOOM Africa will split in half and chaos will reign once again thanks to a catastrophic event that happens every billion years. Thanks Obama. At this point it’s almost like why even bother trying to fix Africa.
Maybe I am looking at this all wrong. Maybe this will be good for Africa. Like when your friend tells a story so poorly it’s funny or something is so cold it’s hot. Africa breaking in half in 10 million years may be just what Africa needs! A nice change of pace. #WeAllFromAfrica #PrayersForAfrica

P.S. Gotta love the end to this article, “Luckily for Africans” like Africans finally caught a break. Just absurd. Such a rare grouping of words you and I may never see again in our lifetime.